Last Updated on May 6, 2026
All Aboard the Terrible Thames: A Wickedly Entertaining Boat Trip with the Horrible Histories
It’s not every day that a history lesson comes with fart jokes, a floating classroom, and a rousing chorus of Drunken Sailor sung while drifting past HMS Belfast. But this is Horrible Histories, and nothing about it is ordinary.
We went along to mark a special occasion – the 5th anniversary of Terrible Thames, which has fast become one of London’s most entertaining family attractions. The tour was created by Neal Foster of the Birmingham Stage Company, in collaboration with Terry Deary, author of the bestselling Horrible Histories book series, which has now surpassed 100 titles. With more than 30 million copies sold and translations in 38 languages, Deary has done more than any textbook to ignite a passion for the past, turning gore, misrule and mayhem into something joyfully educational. Together, the pair have brought Horrible Histories to the stage, to the West End – and now, brilliantly, to the river.
I boarded at Tower Bridge Quay with an eight-year-old sidekick in tow and a spring in our step (or at least, in his – I’d had a coffee). The setting alone is enough to stir the senses. The mighty Tower of London looms behind you as you embark, while the shimmering glass of City Hall glints knowingly across the river. And then the storytelling begins.
Unlike the usual drone of river tour commentary, this is immersive theatre disguised as sightseeing. We meet Billy, a cheeky schoolboy on a history trip with his long-suffering teacher – both played with sharp timing and tireless energy by two game actors who bounce between facts and farce with aplomb.
As we drifted past London landmarks, the tales came thick and fast: Anne Boleyn’s watery fate at the Tower; the stink and squalor of the Clink; the inferno that engulfed London in 1666. There were stories of frozen rivers and flaming plots, Shakespeare and shipwrecks, beheadings and betrayal, all delivered in a snappy, pun-laced script that mixes genuine educational heft with just enough anarchy to keep the kids gripped.
My young companion was wide-eyed from the start – thrilled to be embarking on a boat ride, and even more so when he realised it came with jokes, pirates, and the promise of gore. To my surprise, he knew far more about history than I’d given him credit for – chiming in with facts about the Fire of London and the Gunpowder Plot before the actors had even reached them. Yes, some of the cleverer references sailed over his head, but never once did his attention waver. And as we passed beneath the bridges of the Thames (cue obligatory singing of London Bridge is Falling Down), he was properly enthralled.
There’s something genuinely joyful about learning this way, especially when you’re singing along to What Shall We Do with the Drunken Sailor? Preferably under a bright blue sky, with pirate hats on heads and the Shard glinting in the distance.
For those already familiar with the Horrible Histories universe – from the bestselling books to the stage and screen adaptations, this is yet another smart spin-off that keeps the brand fresh. It also happens to be one of the most engaging ways to tour London, especially for families juggling the twin demands of sightseeing and entertainment.
Over 60,000 passengers hopped aboard last year, and it’s no surprise the Terrible Thames has been shortlisted for a London Tourism Award. It’s inventive, informative and gloriously irreverent – much like the city it sails through. The newest Horrible Histories book? The Truly Terrible History of the Toilet. But that’s another story.
SAILINGS DAILY FOR SUMMER (During UK School Summer Holidays)
TICKETS ON SALE NOW
Priced from
Adult £25 (16+) | Child £15 (3-15) | Senior (65+) £20 | 0-3 Go Free
Family & Group tickets available from terriblethames.com
The Terrible Thames sets sail from:
Tower Bridge Quay, St Katharine’s Way, London E1W 1LD
TERRIBLE THAMES is hosted aboard Silver Sockeye, one of Woods Silver Fleet’s premier luxury sightseeing cruisers.
Birmingham Stage Company and Woods Silver Fleet are dedicated to improving accessibility for all visitors to this experience, and ask that any assisted wheelchair access that is required is booked
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